Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
