Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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