My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
