I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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