Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
