she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
