I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
