UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
