remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
