My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
