Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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