If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
