Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
