I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
