legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
