Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
