Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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