Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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