how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
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someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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