I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
