Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
