you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize