Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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