I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
