Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
