she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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