i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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