She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's rum buckets o'clock
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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