i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
