How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
