Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
