dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
