Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
