So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
