i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
