I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
