on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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