Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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