I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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