She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
