When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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