You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
