two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
