you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
if only i could text you this smell
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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