it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have already put on my inside pants.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
