O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
