Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
