If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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