bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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