you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
