community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
