haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
my liver is dry heaving
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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