I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.