I just made out with a guy for $7.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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