thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
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So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.