One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
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