Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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