I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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