I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
