Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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