Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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