dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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