all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
