how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
