I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
