She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
