dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
