A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
