I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
