There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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