having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
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you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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