Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
