Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
