Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
