He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
