was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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